The first time we met

A broken shard

You texted
Telling me
You were not ready for us
And
You were ready to give up

These words pierced through my heart like a sharp shard
My heart punctured
My soul shattered

Like a rag doll I walked on
But one look into my eyes and one would see

My heart was broken and my soul was lost
As the shard was still stuck there

I loved you because you were you

You walked into my life, our eyes met and we (or at least I) fell hopelessly in love with you.

I didn't even know you that well, like not even your job, your education, your family and all that.

But it didn't matter. In this life, in this world we are constantly vigilant, and that is tiring. Since you were not going to be my life partner, all these background checks and superficial stuff I couldn't care less.

All I knew was, you looked at me and you smiled, and you tried to convince me that your beautiful green eyes were actually kinda blue after knowing that I loved blue eyes. You were super soft spoken and patient and you never complained about the world. You held my hand when we walked together,  you gave me a warm hug when we met, you hugged me and always kept me in your arms when we were together. You listened to me even when I was just babbling, you laughed when I was cracking stupid jokes.

Yes, I was in love with you even without knowing your job or your true colours like my friends all said. But I know, I was in love with you because you were you and you were how you were when you were with me,  and I loved you as the beautiful person you were and that was all that mattered. You are you, you are not your job,  your certificates, your money, your friends, your belongings.

If I could,  I would still love you today. But you and I both know it is impossible.

It was surreal ...like a dream.

You and me, holding hands

I thought of you today and I was overwhelmed by sadness.

There I was, sitting on top of a magnificent temple overlooking beautiful plains with temples everywhere, everywhere, everywhere.

I was calm, feeling peaceful and happy. But then I saw them.

I saw them, an old couple holding hands, making their ways down the bottom of the temple. The man held the lady's hand tight in such a loving caring way, carefully leading her down the steps ...

They vanished from my sights as they descended.  But the image of them walking together,  especially the man leading the lady down the steps, brought back memories - memories of you and me.

You were shy, and awkward. You never showed your feelings and you were hopeless in making a decision. So despite the mutual feelings between us, you chose to avoid me and even disappeared for months altogether at one point.

But we were destined to be together, you and I both knew that.  So, by chance,  we bumped into each other.

The look on your face when you realised the girl who had just pushed open the door, entered the room and found herself standing next to you, I will always remember. You looked absolutely delighted yet surprised and relieved at the same time. So we met again,  both of us must hv been thinking,  and feeling amused.

You were more relaxed and friendly that night,  so we talked... awkwardly at first but much more friendly later. We talked and talked and talked,  bout work,  bout life,  bout everything... and as we were talking,  I could see that you had given up denying your feelings... you had decided to be with me. I could see that you had finally told yourself to take the leap of faith.

Hours had passed n it was time to leave, so you stood up and was going to start making your way through the crowd, but before you walked, you extended your right arm to reach for me. Surprised and overjoyed, I reached for your hand and let you hold my hand. 

You must have been nervous because instead of putting your arm ahead of mine, you did the opposite - my arm was in front of yours but you are walking ahead of me so basically you were twisting my arm. It was rather uncomfortable but I was too happy to correct you.

We walked through the crowd together, and it became really uncomfortable so I flung your hand.

What happened next I will always remember. So I flung your hand away and was gonna hold your hand back in a way I felt comfortable,  but before I managed to do so, you grabbed my wrist in a panic. Were you that afraid of losing me? I know you were. I had always known that despite your denial, despite your avoidance.  I was so happy to have confirmed your feelings,  so with a smile I reached for your hand and held it tight, our fingers entwined.  

Why you would give up on me I will never understand... When we will ever meet I could never stop wondering...

So here I am, sitting on top of a temple, under a pagoda,  with my eyes full of tears, I am thinking of you, my cute Australian boy with lovely green eyes, with the name which will forever make me frown,  Roger.

Waiting

Knowing someone isn't coming back
doesn't mean you ever stop waiting
Toby Barlow

I am still waiting,  waiting for the day that you will come back and I shall greet you with a smile and a warm hug... as though we hadn't spent months or years apart...

You and Miss Saigon

We used to chat every day...

But suddenly you stopped...

One day, after two days not hearing anything from you, a speech bubble popped up on my screen and your face appeared.
Would you ever know how overjoyed I was? You wouldn't,  but let me tell you here I was missing you miserably and I literally yelped when I saw the speech bubble. 

You: Hi peoples.
Me:???

You didn't reply,  instead you sent me a picture of a nice hotel room.

Me:??? (I was confused ecause you only stayed in hostels. )

You: I'm tired of hotels and the annoying bunch of people staying there, getting a nice room for a change.

Me: Nice room,  great for a date. Are you on a date?

You: Ya, me and my Miss Saigon.

Me: Jealous...

You didn't reply.

Moments later, you sent me a picture showing the ONE welcome drink and ONE hand towel from the hotel.

You didn't explain the picture and I didn't ask. My heart fluttered because you made an effort to show me that you were alone -- so that I could stop being jealous.

Sleeping in your arms

That night, I fell asleep early,  having had a long and busy week,  without barely any rest. I was already fast asleep when you were home. You got home from dinner with friends, got into bed, reached for me and hugged me in your arms.
I was half woken up, 'how was the dinner?' I asked.
'It was nice,'you replied, whispering, 'it's always nice to catch up with old friends,' Like a nice guy you are, nice is your favourite word, you like to say everything is nice... I smiled at your reply and happily I fell asleep again.

I must have been really tired because what felt like moments was actually hours... I opened my eyes again,  thinking that moments had passed but soon realised it was already morning. There I was, still in your arms,  my head resting in the nook of your neck, and my right hand being held by yours. It was time for me to get ready to work, so I tried to get up... I moved and that woke you up, you turned and hugged me, as if persuading me to stay longer, so I did stay for moments longer, enjoying being hugged by you and lying together with you.

Perhaps you don't remember a these details,  but I do, so... the memories are all mine.
I missed you every day and I think of you often. Do you feel the same? I'd have no way to tell so 9 could only imagine you do.

Thanks for the memories.